Hold your Fear dear to Your Heart

Enlightenment is the realization, that we all are already one whole Beingness. The Paradox is, that at the same time humanity is in the spiritual state of a child. What i mean by that is the lack of ability to self-reflect.

Many people ask questions about everything and nothing, but it is mostly about the outside world. Less people are actually asking questions about them-self and the idea of self in itself .
If you are working in a kindergarten, like i do, you call a child by the name.
You do not expect a child to take the same responsibilities or to perform any needed tasks, like an adult.
That said, it is important to not underestimate the potential wisdom of a child and to nourish it, by giving away a little bit more or less of responsibility and trust to him .
A child without any boarders, (living not in nature, which has natural borders, limits and challenges), will most likely become spoiled and drunk of himself. Lost in its own confusion, thoughts and constant hunger for more, sometimes even rage and egoistic violence. All of that you can observe, working in a kinder-garden.
The deepest way of love, is sometimes seemingly cruel but looked upon in a wider perspective, it can be Loving-Wisdom in action.
Sometimes (not always), the cruelest teacher, can be the most loving one.
How can that be? If a teacher demands SILENCE at the eating table, it may seem cruel, but when you observe how the faces and minds of the little children change from thought/emotional drunkenness to mindful connectivity, it might change your mind. At least at the table, they learn to embrace silence. How many people in our current times can embrace total silence, without filling every gap with at least thoughts and emotions . It is in silence, where the seed of self-reflection begins to sprout

To some folks life does not make sense and seem to be random. God seems to be cruel and humans totally megalomanic;
But when we have a closer look, we might find Synchronicity, Structure, Intelligence and Meaning in all that Chaos.
As more we study our self, especially our darker parts of our self and our life’s, as more we may find, that they actually do have a meaning and serve us somehow more or less obvious.
We might recognize, that as long as humans keep on projecting their fears and negativity on the world and on other humans, we will continue having wars and inequity in the world we live in.
As more we self-reflect, as more peace we will have and naturally equity will be formed.
When a human being self reflects, he always tends to connect with others too. That is a universal rule.
When i was younger, about 9 years old, i felt unneeded in this world and not understood.
I did not see my place here and felt miserable. All i wanted, was to be free of this body and mind, that i felt, wasn’t who i am .
At this time i actually thought to be crazy and depressed from the age of 13 till 23.
10 years of good, old, solid fear-based suffering + escaping into other fantasy worlds, which i created with the help of music and books.
Being a complete introvert, didn’t make it easier.
I was even afraid to eat with somebody at the same table.
Only later i realized, that it is a misunderstanding, to focus only on what people want to have.
By seeing what people actually need, some without even knowing, i found my way of connecting .
My experience now is:What i have to offer is something, that many people need, without even knowing.
And so i rather focus on the need and less on the wanting.
This is how i found my niche in this world, where i fit in without any doubt.Where i can completely forget myself and where my purpose becomes bigger, than my ambitions…

Some people think, that fear has no meaning.
It is a matter of differentiation.
It is the fear of the fear, that blocks us and not the fear itself.
The fear of the fear is actually very useful too.
It creates suffering and suffering leads us at some point, sooner or later to self-reflection.
Nothing in this universe is meaningless except meaning itself. Nothing is useless, except usefulness. This is paradoxical and i hope it blows your mind a bit.

To use meditation or other technics, in order to get rid of fear, is a common misunderstanding of our times. It follows a believe, that fear is the opposite of love and is a psychologically trained mindset, which can be untrained.
From 10 years of working with all sorts of people, including therapists and Nlp-practitioners, i can tell you, that it is a misunderstanding, leading to more suffering on the long run, but gives you instant gratification and a more stable ego-based identity, similar to the expansion-method or any other “high-speed way” of contemplation.
As i see it and some others like Carl Jung; there is no opposite to Love. Fear is part of love. There is also no unconsciousness, but only consciousness which is more or less conscious of itself. This is very simple to see, if your state of being is paradoxical based and not binary, like most of our computers (wait for the quantum-computer). You can not explain a sphere to a circle, but you can explain a circle to a sphere.

Fear creates suffering and suffering creates beautiful lotus flowers, states the Buddha.
Our collective suffering leads humanity to more self-reflection and so we as a whole, become more self aware.
Some people asked me yesterday at the powerful Kavana-Event, how i am using my voice in such a unique or powerful way.
My secret is my fear. Although i am a Zen-teacher today, i perceive some fear in my body and mind and all other human emotions are inside me too not only my, but also the ones of all others. That is, because i reconnected with my humanness instead of meditating it away.
People who are aware of their fear, are often much more sensitive and sensible to life and spirituality and vulnerability. Look at Kate Bush for example..Sharing a fearful heart with somebody else can become the most intimate, loving moment of a human being. By letting my self fall into fear some magic happens. When fear and opened consciousness unite, its like a spiritual nuclear reaction happens. Self compassion and unity with everything happens and you become bigger, than yourself. Fear to me is just a ladder which leads you straight to the source .
Suddenly my voice isn’t me or my anymore or my dancing or my teaching, because it is now WE singing, WE dancing, WE teaching.
Therefore i would like to tell you; Hold your fear dear to your heart. It serves you, without doubt. Your fear and your limitations show you exactly where to go, in a universe, which is full of choices. And they contain unbelievable energy, once you meet them with self-compassion .
Connect to it by remembering to be self-compassionate with all your negative emotions.
Lets Share your fruits of self-reflection.
Focus on what people really need in their hearts, without even knowing and less on what they want and you too, will find your niche, if you haven’t yet.


Special Thanks for Inspiration and Support goes to Boris and Sanjaquieh


*If you are interested in more about this topic or any other topic, i would love to be inspired by your quest. You can write and connect with me on facebook.


Born in Transnistria (U.D.S.S.R) Former Zen(Rinzai)-Monk (in Eigenji and Sogenji-Japan, Psycho-spiritual Counselor, Zen-Meditation-Master (Ikkyu Zen Dojo) , Singer, Improvisation-Dancer, Hospice-Counsellor, Children Counsellor, Writer.

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